Staying Above Ground

I have been unemployed for so long it’s beginning to feel like a way of life.I guess I shouldn’t complain because I know that I am not alone,there are many others out there loosing jobs.Sometimes it seems as if things will never change,as if this is how my days will end. When you are without a mate to stand by your side the road can seem so long and cold.Each day I reassure myself of all the possibilities of change.Telling myself that this is my season and a door will open soon.But in the solitude of the night I’m not sure that I believe anymore.I am in my fifties and the job market is looking for the younger generation.I do understand their need to work but I’m not some broke-down old woman who is incapable of holding my own.It seems like every interview that I go to I’m the oldest one there.I can feel the young eyes upon me as if in shock that someone my age is up for the same job.Being a woman and carrying myself in a way that demands respect limits me to what I’m willing to do in order to survive.The battle seems lost before I even start.Maybe tomorrow will hold some good fortune for me.I don’t know,sometimes all we can do is wait.

Just another day around the way

Looking out my window examining the neighborhood,how blindly we go through life like regulated machinery;pre programed never to leave the set patterns.When I leave this planet I want to know within myself that I did it my way.That I explored life and all of the dark corners where truth sits waiting to be discovered.When was the last time that you thought out of the box and was selfish enough to bless yourself with something that you wanted and not what others think you should do.life is too short to deny ourselves some innocent pleasures.Remember:Live each day as if it were your last because one day you might be right.

01/30/09
Thoughts of the past few days are playing around in my head.Have you ever befriended someone that never knew when to leave.She’s a pretty decent person,about 27 and a little wild; living a life of party til you drop can wear your body down sometime.I’m a nice person who feel strongly about someone taking my kindness for weakness. I think that when some people see that you are an openly giving person who wants nothing in return (like being your Brother’s Keeper) they keep thinking that there must be some unknown agenda. Or that you are desperate for friendship and this is the only reason that you are so kind. (they never see that it is your true nature).They take your kindness for weakness, my house is not a safe house or a dinner.I don’t mind sharing what I have when I know that you are limited in supplies.Because I share my food with you it doesn’t mean that you should treat it like some kind of Bed And Breakfast.My name is not Suzy Sausage Head,I’m far from being stupid.Don’t take advantage, just because I let you crash at my house because you were too high to walk home in the cold, icy, dark winter night,that doesn’t mean that you should act as if you don’t know when to go home in the morning.Just because I allowed you to take off your wet socks and let you put them on the radiator to dry (the cold snow and slush leaked throw your sneakers) doesn’t mean that “I WANT YOU” or need new friends so bad that I will tolerate anything.I love my privacy and don’t mind entertaining company from time to time but don’t act “LIKE YOU GOT IT LIKE THAT”, because whatever it is that I have belongs to my daughter and myself.I opened the door but it doesn’t mean that you should set up camp. It doesn’t pay to help out some times….Why is it that there are people that will make you want to “GO THERE”.Life is too short and precious to waste your time and energy on “Toxic People”.
We must never let them take root in our lives.

Moving Forward

I thank the powers that be that I have survived the past year; for a minute there I was not sure. I lost my job,separated from a husband that chose drugs over family and finally got my out of control daughter back home. Truly what does not break us can only make us stronger.
No one said that life would be a rose garden but, I didn’t think that it would be this hard either. When you are an introvert it leaves little room for meeting new friends to help support you. I have been a loner all my life, it seems that when I open the door to allow others in I wind up regretting it. I am a very passionate person, it is as if I was born believing that my portion was to serve others. Most people don’t understand that there can truly be people on the planet that want no more than their respect for their efforts. I come across a lot of people that think that I must want something from them for any help that I give. This is not so, I just believe that we are all more than color or origin. We are all human beings.no more, no less. I believe that we all need each other in one way or another,that our differences is that which makes us interesting and unique. There is too much division on the planet, why are there so many wars when everyone speaks of peace?Why can’t we find a way to live in harmony together,excepting both the good as well as the bad.I am Jew, I am Gentile, I am Muslim, I am Agnostic….I want no more than to do this thing called life until my end of days are here. For this new year I just want peace.

Blog for Dummies

I am beginning to believe that I am the most ignorant person on a blog site.I try and try to understand the method to the madness but it just don’t stick. I always considered myself to be an intelligent person and now I am doubting my own ability to reason this thing out. I know that I have something to offer but my ability to do it escapes me. No matter how gifted a writer I know myself to be (with words of knowledge to share)the ability to get to the next stage of sharing escapes me. Nothing beats a failure but a try so I will hold strong; but works without results are fruitless.

Survival

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